My blog, My NEW years resolution

Wow, I can't believe the last time I really posted was when Anthony recieved his patriarchal blessing. I am a loser. So much has happened since then. The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to write things down. So my goal is to keep up on this more often. So much to tell...let me start with things of note for 2011...

We loved our children and watched them do amazing things. The twins explored their universe. Ava started Kindergarten, Ethan is in his last year of elementary school. Julian is in third grade. Drew is in eighth grade. Anthony graduated from Alta High. Time ticks by faster than I want it to. I really wish I could push pause, get caught up on things that I think will make my life easier, and then enjoy. I really want to focus on enjoying my life rather than enduring it. It seems that my life really pushes me around sometimes. I sway to and fro trying to please everyone and make everything perfect. Even though I feel I have gotten better at saying no, I still find myself saying yes way too often and dropping the needs of my family. I still let people I love walk on me, even though they probably don't realize they are. I need to be more vocal about when I can't do something. I struggle with that so badly, I never want to let anyone down. I find that sometimes I leave my own children wanting (and hubby too)...and end up letting them down. I have to find the courage to put my family first, and hope people understand. I feel that these moments are so fleeting and I don't want to miss any more of them because I am too busy because of all that I sign up for. I realize I tell my kids not right now a lot, because there is someone else that needs me more right now. Wow...REALLY? I thought about that the other night. Not that I am a horrible mother, because I am not, but I really need to put things in perspective. Is it fair to not be available when they need me day to day as long as I throw them a fun birthday party? My older children, I am very good at talking and listening. I always enjoy our conversations about practically everything. My little ones though, sometimes I find myself shooing them away in the name of needing to get something done. My little love bug Julian...I don't want to send him away when he wants to tell me a corny story. Or ignore any of what my little people have to say.

My New Years Resolutions
1. Talk to each one of my children everyday and truly listen to what they have to say.
2. Strike a reasonable balance of what is the most important way to spend my time.
3. Remind myself that everytime I say "no" to something else, I am saying "yes" to my children and vise versa.
4. Thank Kim Rudd for reminding me that I am still a great person, even if I don't kill myself trying to do it all. I love her.
5.Exercise and find time for myself somewhere...I am a happier, calmer mother, wife, friend and person when I do a little for myself now and then.
6. READ MY SCRIPTURE AND SAY MY PRAYERS every day!
7. Journal! My brain is not as reliable as once thought. I forget so much!
8. Fellowship and really focus on my calling, instead of signing up for more opportunities. I love my girls and I don't want to not be in tune with their needs and be distracted with too many things. They are so awesome. They need constant love and kindess shown to them, because its hard being them right now, with the temptations that they face and the advesary always looking for opportunities to destroy their confidence and the sacredness of who they are...they need us!
9. LOVE MYSELF. (Which I don't do often at all!) Go easy on myself...and be ok with less than perfect. (this will be the hardest thing!)
10. Not go into the fetal position for too long when Anthony leaves on his mission. My other children still need me. I need to focus on my relationships with them while I support Anthony from afar. I will miss him so much. I am trying to look at this as an awesome opportunity to grow even more close with my other children, and I look forward to the wonderful spirit in our home as we have a missionary out. I think it will be awesome this summer to work with the boys as they help pay for Anthony's mission. How awesome is that!!! To work shoulder to shoulder with the boys as they help their brother. I am excited for them and us!
11. Sleep!!!!!
12. Remind myself to let my kids experience the things in life that will bless them forever, not just for now. Sports and activities are fun, but if we are so busy that we can't teach them to serve, Love the Lord, have family prayer and scripture study, etc then how will they know where to turn when times get tough in their life or marriage? We must keep an eternal perspective to such important issues in rearing our children.

This is not the complete list and not in order of priority....just a few little tidbits. I want to love life and enjoy every minute of it. I have to let go of the illusions of perfection. Maybe a fork in the sink isn't the worst thing. Maybe if I can't be everywhere at once when my husband is out of town it will be ok if the kids miss something now and then. Maybe if my laundry is all over the floor and someone knocks on the door, it is ok to still let them in and not pretend I am not home. I mean they know the clothes have to be washed sometime right? ( I will have to tell a funny story about that later)

Well, I will write more tomorrow to start catching up on my year, so when I am old and have no recollection of the life I lived, I can still read about it!! :)