My blog, My NEW years resolution

Wow, I can't believe the last time I really posted was when Anthony recieved his patriarchal blessing. I am a loser. So much has happened since then. The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to write things down. So my goal is to keep up on this more often. So much to tell...let me start with things of note for 2011...

We loved our children and watched them do amazing things. The twins explored their universe. Ava started Kindergarten, Ethan is in his last year of elementary school. Julian is in third grade. Drew is in eighth grade. Anthony graduated from Alta High. Time ticks by faster than I want it to. I really wish I could push pause, get caught up on things that I think will make my life easier, and then enjoy. I really want to focus on enjoying my life rather than enduring it. It seems that my life really pushes me around sometimes. I sway to and fro trying to please everyone and make everything perfect. Even though I feel I have gotten better at saying no, I still find myself saying yes way too often and dropping the needs of my family. I still let people I love walk on me, even though they probably don't realize they are. I need to be more vocal about when I can't do something. I struggle with that so badly, I never want to let anyone down. I find that sometimes I leave my own children wanting (and hubby too)...and end up letting them down. I have to find the courage to put my family first, and hope people understand. I feel that these moments are so fleeting and I don't want to miss any more of them because I am too busy because of all that I sign up for. I realize I tell my kids not right now a lot, because there is someone else that needs me more right now. Wow...REALLY? I thought about that the other night. Not that I am a horrible mother, because I am not, but I really need to put things in perspective. Is it fair to not be available when they need me day to day as long as I throw them a fun birthday party? My older children, I am very good at talking and listening. I always enjoy our conversations about practically everything. My little ones though, sometimes I find myself shooing them away in the name of needing to get something done. My little love bug Julian...I don't want to send him away when he wants to tell me a corny story. Or ignore any of what my little people have to say.

My New Years Resolutions
1. Talk to each one of my children everyday and truly listen to what they have to say.
2. Strike a reasonable balance of what is the most important way to spend my time.
3. Remind myself that everytime I say "no" to something else, I am saying "yes" to my children and vise versa.
4. Thank Kim Rudd for reminding me that I am still a great person, even if I don't kill myself trying to do it all. I love her.
5.Exercise and find time for myself somewhere...I am a happier, calmer mother, wife, friend and person when I do a little for myself now and then.
6. READ MY SCRIPTURE AND SAY MY PRAYERS every day!
7. Journal! My brain is not as reliable as once thought. I forget so much!
8. Fellowship and really focus on my calling, instead of signing up for more opportunities. I love my girls and I don't want to not be in tune with their needs and be distracted with too many things. They are so awesome. They need constant love and kindess shown to them, because its hard being them right now, with the temptations that they face and the advesary always looking for opportunities to destroy their confidence and the sacredness of who they are...they need us!
9. LOVE MYSELF. (Which I don't do often at all!) Go easy on myself...and be ok with less than perfect. (this will be the hardest thing!)
10. Not go into the fetal position for too long when Anthony leaves on his mission. My other children still need me. I need to focus on my relationships with them while I support Anthony from afar. I will miss him so much. I am trying to look at this as an awesome opportunity to grow even more close with my other children, and I look forward to the wonderful spirit in our home as we have a missionary out. I think it will be awesome this summer to work with the boys as they help pay for Anthony's mission. How awesome is that!!! To work shoulder to shoulder with the boys as they help their brother. I am excited for them and us!
11. Sleep!!!!!
12. Remind myself to let my kids experience the things in life that will bless them forever, not just for now. Sports and activities are fun, but if we are so busy that we can't teach them to serve, Love the Lord, have family prayer and scripture study, etc then how will they know where to turn when times get tough in their life or marriage? We must keep an eternal perspective to such important issues in rearing our children.

This is not the complete list and not in order of priority....just a few little tidbits. I want to love life and enjoy every minute of it. I have to let go of the illusions of perfection. Maybe a fork in the sink isn't the worst thing. Maybe if I can't be everywhere at once when my husband is out of town it will be ok if the kids miss something now and then. Maybe if my laundry is all over the floor and someone knocks on the door, it is ok to still let them in and not pretend I am not home. I mean they know the clothes have to be washed sometime right? ( I will have to tell a funny story about that later)

Well, I will write more tomorrow to start catching up on my year, so when I am old and have no recollection of the life I lived, I can still read about it!! :)

A New Post Coming Soon....

So much fun this summer. So many fun memories that we have been blessed with. I promised we will catch everyone up soon. Life is full and so is my heart!

And This is My Joy...

I have always said I don't have a favorite child. My favorite child has always been the one that is sick, or needs me most at the time. They are also my favorite when we celebrate their individual achievements. Oh how proud I was of Drew this year when he graduated from elementary school. He is such a great kid. He is such a good person, morally clean and strong. A good leader, and of course so smart... so bright, definitely my favorite. Then when Julian was the student of the week and I had the opportunity to come into the classroom and tell everyone about him and show pictures. The night before I drafted a powerpoint presentation to show his class. It had love bugs all over the slides (that is what I have called him since birth, he has always been my love bug). That day when he giggled and was so shy and so sweet, my heart was so full. Yep, he is my favorite for sure. Ethan was my favorite as I watch him act in his school play and giggle and turn red as he had to propose marriage to his other cast mate with a straight face. He is so fun loving and kind. He is SO my favorite. Ava is my first daughter. I felt her presence before she was born. There was a day when I was around three and a half months pregnant that I literally felt her spirit enter my body. I knew she was a girl. Her spirit entered my body and stopped at my heart. She will remain their forever. Her sweet and sunny disposition and her princess attitude.(not diva, princess)oh how I look forward to our continued closeness and girlie memories. We will be close forever, she is my favorite. Payton and Sophie...oh my goodness I couldn't be more in love with two people. The way they talk, walk, laugh, get into mischief, dote on one another...oh my goodness I love it! They crack me up all day every day. Sophie is so sweet and soft. Payton is rough and tumble. He is all boy, she is all girl. He bugs her like brothers do, she bosses him around like sisters do. My favorites...oh my favorites.

Today, Anthony was to receive his patriarchal blessing. I got up at 6:30 and woke the boys up. We started this morning with a fast to make sure the moment was perfect and we were in tune. Clothes were already ready for the most part, I didn't want any distractions or typical feelings of wanting to kill my children before 9:00 church. I carried a song in my heart this morning as I do every sunday morning, however typically around 8:15 the notes turn sour. I am trying to get Anthony and Drew out the door to set up the church with their hair combed, teeth brushed, white shirts, ties that actually match their slacks, scriptures, and then off to pick up the brood of teens that go with them.
It was fathers day to day, and it and I wanted it to be special for my husband as well. Knowing that I couldn't fit in too much more before 9am, I made him a fathers day breakfast yesterday, home made HUGE cinnamon rolls. His gifts were ready. Card, DONE! Then the little ones dressed, everyones hair combed, shoes and socks, belts...you know the drill. Today, I came, I saw, I sang the happy notes. Then, we couldn't find our keys to the suburban. So, Satan the little devil, was trying to ruin my day. Well, instead of freaking out, we took the bmw without missing a beat. Even though we were seven in car that seats five, it was 8:56 and we we going to church even if we had to walk. Church was wonderful. We had three great speakers and the primary sang to the dads. Homeward bound to finish the preparations for the big turkey dinner to come. Anthony and Craig go home teaching. In a blink it was quarter after two and time to go to the patriarch's home. We walk outside to a beautiful, bright sunny day. The weather is perfect. I decided to sit in the back seat. This was Anthony's moment and I wanted to be the spectator. Craig had started the car and pushed play. "The Voice of the Children" by Kurt Bestor played in the background. As I listen to the words, my eyes filled with tears. We were about to go hear my child's special blessing from his Father in heaven. I was filled with emotion. Pride, Joy, Sadness that is all happening so fast. How did I get here so quickly? It was just yesterday I was going to Anthony's promotion ceremony from elementary. Now he is entering his senior year, with a mission shortly after. There is never enough time. I wipe away the tears and I look forward. I see my two white shoulders. One is my husband, one is my son. Both are men I love, both are my best friends. Both wear a white shirt and are worthy to do so. Both respect and hold an office of the priesthood. Both have my heart forever. I thought about my husband and what a great man he was and how lucky I am. I thought about what a great father's day present this must be for him. To see his son make good choices. His example of being a good man has been fruitful. Anthony has watched him respect his mother, to be tender, soft and to learn give and take. He has been a great provider and loved his children. Anthony has had the opportunity to watch his father and mirror these qualities. Ironically Craig's patriarchal blessing says that his children will mimic him. That has proved true on so many occasions. My husband is awesome.

We arrive at the beautiful and modest home of the patriarch. His home is warm and inviting. He is warm and inviting. His home feels just like the temple, clean and appropriately adorned with items that invite the spirit. He tells of us his wife and children with pride. He talks with us about blessings. He asks Anthony why he chose this moment to have his patriarchal blessing. Anthony states that he has thought about it for some time and at the last general conference, they encouraged the youth to get theirs and he also felt it was time. Anthony said that he felt as if this blessing would help him with his goals in sports, school and his mission. The patriarch responded positively. He asked a series of questions both personal and spiritual. Before he began the blessing, he asked Anthony again what he wanted from this blessing. Anthony without a second thought said, "I want to know what the Lord has in store for me in my life." Then he asked us individually why we loved each other. With tearful eyes we each expressed our love and gratitude for one another. The pride and admiration we had in Anthony..it was so incredible. The spirit was so strong. The patriarch shared so much with us. There is no question he is called of God. After 40 minutes of the visiting which felt like a gift in itself, the patriarch then laid his hands on my son's head and was a mouth piece for our Heavenly Father. Tears didn't stop flowing through the entire blessing. I was amazed. I felt my Heavenly Father's love for my earthly son. Sometimes we forget that our children are on loan. That they were His before they were ours. Today I was reminded that he is a gift, and I should return that gift better than I received it. I know the next year and a half will go by so quickly. I hope God can slow time down just a little so I can cherish all of these moments. I am excited for Anthony, and I know he has wonderful things in store for the future. He is a valiant servant of God. His commitment to his faith and his family are strong. I couldn't ask for a better older brother or example for the rest of my children.

Anthony...definitely my favorite :).

Memories...so many to enjoy

I have been doing quite a bit of spring cleaning and taking advantage of the kids being out of school. I have gotten to do a few things for myself (I find that even what I do for myself is still for my kids or someone, but I still love doing it!) I have had fun going back through some fun memories of my kids. Boy things are so rushed and schedules are so busy that I don't have time to keep up with everything. I am trying to recommit to my blog, and writing things down. I find when I write it down, time slows and the memories don't merge together. I have to learn to breathe in and out, slow down and enjoy, which is completely out of my nature! I am always rushing to cram as much into an hour as I can. New habits is the theme of my summer. Here are some pictures I enjoyed of my kids...

My Babies are TWO??!!!!

Okay, so I have been working on their birthday for the last several weeks, wondering how I can let these, my littlest ducklings turn two. So many people asked me if they were turning one, because they too, can not believe how much the time has flown! I truly cherish my children. Each one of them is so dear to me in ways that are personal and I just can barely put into words how much I love the two newest additions to our family. We are so lucky to have them. I truly find joy in all they do, even when they get into EVERYTHING!! They are so cute, it is truly everything that you love about one baby, but you get two! I treasure these two and really mourn every day that goes by. Holding on to these beautiful gifts as hard as I can, hoping that some how I can slow the time that passes. I feel this way about each one of my children, knowing that these gifts are temporary and the will eventually spread their wings and soar beyond our nest, and they will find joy in their own posterity. I want them to experience these things, they need to in order to become the person that Craig and I intended, and most importantly the person that Heavenly Father intended. May I just ask that they do it slower? That time doesn't have to race to the finish line. Can we opt to take the turtle approach to the race...stop and smell the flowers, enjoy the view and treasure the path that you take to get there. I wish so badly we could press the "pause" button and I could get my act together better before I push "play" again. That way I would have a chance to breathe without feeling like I am missing out. I don't want my oldest son to leave in two years. I don't want my Drew to go to Jr. High. I don't want my Ethan to be a fifth grader. I don't want my Julian to stop writing me love notes. I don't want my Ava to lose her baby fat and look like a little girl instead of my baby girl. I don't want my babies to not talk to me in baby babble and want to cuddle with me. I think a lot of people think that if you could just get your kids to this point or that point..that things would be some much easier when they are older. Don't wish away the best years of your life. Love from a child is perfect. It's innocent. You are a hero for doing the simplest tasks. They don't find fault in you. They treasure your attention and return the favor happily. They want you, they need you, they love you, not for any other reason but your the hero of the home, whatever is wrong in their world, you make it better. I wish the world could see us from that perspective. I don't want my children to lose this. The world teaches to find fault, to cause conflict, to be offended, to speak your mind no matter who's feelings are at stake. Children are the light in dark places. They are the peace you carry with you no matter how far away you are. They warm your heart with emotion. They make you soft in a hard world. Oh my friends, don't ever wish away the time you have with them for such a short season. I wish I could stop time and love them. As the mother of eight beautiful children, one of which I have already let go to serve a higher calling...if I could offer one bit of advice is take the time. If you have to choose between loving on your baby or cleaning, cuddle that love bug! Do all that you can to clear your plate and not complicate your life so that you can be together as a family. The time is so precious and gone so fast. Don't let sports, tv, or any worldly endeavor rob you of the custom gifts that God has put into your life. I believe children are hugs from our Heavenly Father. They are hear to nurture us, guide us, help us grow into the people that God intended. A growth that you can only experience when you love someone so much that you would give your last breathe if they could have one more. Treasure your treasures...you will never regret it.

Homecoming and My Son...I guess I will have to share.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my kids. My children are my best friends in life, (my husband is the captain of the best friend team). My son is going to be seventeen in November, (wow, how scary time flies!) and he hasn't really taken an interest in girls yet. His sports pretty much rule his time, and believe me I haven't complained at all. Girls have been very interested in him, however and he has managed to go stag to every dance so far in high school. His philosophy..."Mom, if I go stag, then I can dance with whoever I want and only have to pay for myself!" Spoken like a true non-committal cheap skate, but a smart boy none the less. This year however, there was a certain little cutie that made him want to loosen the wallet a little bit and ask her out. So in true Anthony style, his lack of planning til the last minute constitutes another emergency all nighter. I never mind though. We have the best talks and the best laughs and enjoy each other so much during these all nighters. Whether its working on school projects, something special for one of his coaches, or now planning to win the yes of a certain cutie...we have a great time and I surely cherish these moments. I thought I would feel more differently about Anthony dating, like I would freak out a little more. Surprisingly enough, I just want him to have a great time and get to experience all of the fun of being young, including the ladies. He sure has picked a super sweet girl to take to homecoming, and she is pretty too. That kind of combination is not so easy to find these days. Kudos to my boy for waiting til he did! By the way, she said yes!! (Who could resist that face?...ugh spoken like a true mom. Of course I am biased, which comes so easy since he's perfect!)

Garden Delight

September 2009- My kids and I just love to garden. They get so excited to plant the seeds and watch them grow. They each get excited about getting to pick what they have labored all summer to eat! I love sending them out with the big bowl and having them come in with such big smiles, proud of what they have brought back to our family. My kids are a blast. I love that they love what I love. Gardening and each other! Dang cuties....